A few weeks ago, I knew I was going to catch
some a lot of flack for my impulsive decision to leave the animal shelter with Erin Greggie, our brand new, genius of a dog. I expected flack from others, accepted flack from others, and many times, agreed with just about every point/argument presented, about why getting a dog on July 28th was a terrible idea. Here are several key examples on why getting a dog that day was nutballs:
- The girls and I were already in the middle of a move; moving to a different home, a different community and two different schools
- Polly, our G I G A N T I C calico bundle of love, needs (and deserves) time to adjust to our new home
- I am navigating, shifting and codifying important aspects of my professional and personal life
- I am experiencing grief at the loss of a few people who were close to me, through death and other means of departure
- Having a dog will give me far less freedom to come and go without forethought
- Money, money and money
- What if the dog doesn’t get along with Polly, we have to return Erin to the shelter, and I have given my daughters more fuel for “faux-mom-hatred,” and reason # 647 on why I have destroyed their lives?
- Did I mention money?
During the past two weeks and two days that we’ve had Erin, it has become exceedingly obvious that I made a very good decision, filled with unshakeable faith that it was the right decision. I knew immediately, (before money ever changed hands), that everything was going to be alright. Had I not known that, I would have never walked in this direction.
As I already mentioned, I predicted that loved ones would question the soundness of my decision (and possibly my sanity). I never really considered putting my dukes up, because every question that was asked of me by my family and friends, well… they were right to ask all of these questions. They love me and my girls and they just want us to be okay. I love them back, for all of the questions they asked me and for their criticisms, even when I was wincing with each inquiry. Yes, I was grateful we weren’t having face-to-face conversations, but were on the phone/email instead. (HI MOM AND DAD!)
The past two weeks have been very challenging and even painful. This time has been even more challenging than I thought it would be, as other big things came up that I’d not initially expected to transpire, both personally and professionally. While anyone who’s moving, grieving, learning, and growing is going to experience some peaks and valleys, the truth is, I’m mostly left feeling immensely lucky and grateful.
Not once, did I have any doubt that we were going to be okay. I already knew that we are all more than okay. We just are.
Ever since I left my most recent full time position, an absolute life and game-changer, and embarked on all kinds of new adventures, I have experienced a quiet and calm sense of faith and well being. The kind of faith and well being I’d been seeking for most, if not all of my life.
So now, I think it only fair and right to respond with some updates to the biggest and most popular points/concerns regarding why adopting Erin was a horrible and terrific idea. (Updates in purple and italicized.):
- The girls and I were already in the middle of a move; moving to a different home, a different community and two different schools – We have added even more love to our house and we all feel it and that feels good. We’ve also added another level of funny and joyful chaos, which has helped us roll with tricky and sometimes painful adjustments. We are all “rolling with it” more.
- Polly, our G I G A N T I C calico bundle of love, needs (and deserves) time to adjust to our new home – Polly will adjust and love our new home. She also happens to love our new dog, Erin. This is what I thought would happen. Polly appears to be very happy to have a playmate, and is clearly the “alpha” which I also thought would happen.
- I am navigating, shifting and codifying important aspects of my professional and personal life – And am very optimistic about all of it. It’s okay not to wait on certain things when we’re just walking forward anyway.
- I am experiencing grief at the loss of a few people who were close to me, through death and other means of departure – I take great solace in the fact that Erin Greggie is a constant reminder of Gregg Helfer and now, Bud Lifton and another friend as well.
- Having a dog will give me far less freedom to come and go without forethought – As someone who gets deeply ensconced and kung fu focused on certain things, this interruption to have to take the dog out is very, very good for my psyche.
- Money, money and money – Yeah. If I just keep walking forward, and doing the footwork that I’m already doing, money comes and will continue to come and grow, I think. Also a small reminder is that I am already procuring incredible work and have been since I left my full time position.
- What if the dog doesn’t get along with Polly, we have to return Erin to the shelter, and I have given my daughters more fuel for “faux-mom-hatred,” and reason # 647 on why I have destroyed their lives? – The pets get along, so the girls will have to move on to other “faux-mom-hatred” reasons on why I have destroyed their lives.
- Did I mention money? – Yeah, I did. Love is more important, period.
I am periodically blown away by the level of love in our home and in my life. I’m sure many people can relate, but I only have my own experience to reflect on.
I am also astonished at how many deeply painful occurrences I have experienced in my almost 50 years. I don’t know why, and am delighted to report that I don’t ask why very often. The why isn’t what’s important, but the how to walk through it is what matters.
So now, I am still walking through it. I’m walking through all of it with my daughters, my enormous cat, and now, my dog. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Not one thing.