As I’ve been attempting to have a really good cry that never seems to come, I have started thinking about love, which almost immediately brought me to thinking about lust and the confusion (and periodic pain) lust, (if one or more individual expects love), almost invariably causes.
Let me be clear. Lust is a lot of fun and I enjoy it as much as anyone possibly can. It has its place, but I believe it’s best performed under a very short term contract that both (or all) participants understand and agree upon. As long as little or no return on investment is expected, I highly recommend going with lust for a gig or two.
Many times, we allow ourselves to create a story of love that in actuality, is lust disguised as love. Perhaps we do this because in our hearts and throughout our bodies, we crave love more than we crave lust.
I am not an authority on much of anything but my own life experience.
Where love is concerned and specifically romantic love, I do not consider myself successful or unsuccessful, for that matter. I believe I have been in love twice or thrice times at the most. (The third one is a hard call, but I’ll give it to him.)
I wrote a short story a few months back. A portion of the story included an invitation for someone to consider before they embark on the commitment of romantic love with me. While I initially thought the inspiration for the invitation was a man I fancied, I now realize he was the inspiration for the story, but not the inspiration for the invitation.
I was my own muse for the invitation and I set the terms:
Here’s the thing about me and this particular kiss. It’s not just a kiss, but an invitation into all reachable parts of me. You are invited to enter into the depths of my home; through the warmth, through the wet and through the forest until you arrive at the core where the holiest parts of me reside. If you find yourself at home here, and I celebrate and embrace your living here, then we are both already home.
If you accept this sacred invitation, please do so with grace, compassion and respect, for it is very exclusive, and created just for you. If you decline, we will see what the mutual agreement of our journey is, or if our journey together has already passed/past.
For this invitation, there need not be “regrets only.”
Let us have no regrets.
I think the excerpt from the story are the terms of romantic love for me, and naturally, I’d need to receive a virtual clone of this invitation, and accept, in order to drive down a two-way street with someone. The street is always full of bumps and potholes, but also encompasses intriguing scenery to take in.
As I’ve mentioned before, I took a lengthy time after my divorce, to just be with myself, my children, and a job I worked far too many hours at. It was really a gift I would recommend to anyone who wishes to prepare for falling and perhaps even staying in love. This commitment of romantic love, is something I have not yet accomplished for a very long while, but I believe I am prepared for it. By prepared, I mean that I am not seeking romantic love, but I can have romantic love. It has to be exactly the right individual for me and vice versa.
If you have strong feelings that you yearn to fall in love, I hope you spend some time falling in love with yourself first.
If being in love doesn’t happen for me, I’ll know I am called to continue experiencing love in other areas of my life. I’m whole and I’m good with that. My life is already bursting with love. I can continue to have lustful adventures, and love deeply throughout my family, friendships and community.
I have watched friends, family and acquaintances sacrifice themselves and their core values by creating a “love story” from the mirage of lust. I have done it many times myself and while I don’t experience morbid reflection with any of these experiences, I prefer to identify the relationship more succinctly before I move forward.
True love is the invitation of a lifetime – one that I am finally capable of sending and receiving, if or when, the Universe sees fit.
Until then, the Earth will still turn and sometimes,
with delicious movement.