My eldest daughter, Juliette, suffered a concussion yesterday. She tripped in the school locker room in total darkness. The power suddenly went out in the entire school, and in the locker room, there are no windows. Her head hit a bench. This is her second concussion in less than two years. She seems fine, so I’m going with that.
I’m a single mother, but rarely feel alone. I never really think that my problems are worse than other people’s issues.
I am just so grateful to believe I’m not alone and not to question what greets me on my path.
Over the past several years, and especially since my divorce, my cancer diagnosis and other factors, numerous people have said things to me, along the lines of, “Is there a dark cloud over your head? Why can’t you catch a break?”
As strange as it may seem, I never feel that my issues are that bad. I don’t feel victimized in any way. What I do experience is HUGE gratitude for not experiencing feelings of victimization. I’m not sure why I am this way, or why I don’t roll around in the “why?” sandbox, but I just don’t. I don’t ask, “Why?”
The “problems” that have appeared to be the most Herculean have always resulted in the most outstanding gifts. I can’t think of one exception.
So, I am writing this post, because I think the solution to not being a victim is not falling into the head trip of, “Why?” or “Why me?”. I don’t know how it happened, but I am so happy to not be a “why?-er” by design. I also never take this gift for granted. I am blessed for sure.
A few people who are close to me, experience paralyzing feelings of victimization. It’s hard to witness this and be around it for extended periods of time, but there really isn’t anything I can do about it, except love them and do what I can to tolerate their process. This isn’t always easy for me. I am far from perfect.
In addition to Juliette’s own “trip with her head,” I noticed that she didn’t fall into the head trip of, “Why?” I was delighted to witness this in my 13-year-old daughter, who “NEVER gets her way.”
I hope that I can instill in my own daughters, (and others), the enormous blessing of believing we’re not really alone, we’re not victims, etc. While I try to raise my daughters to love themselves through more global, community thinking combined with self-care and mindfulness (I am not awesome at self-care, but improving), I’m only human, not a miracle worker and have to remember to meet people where they are, not where I am.
I just hope they pick up on how happy a life can be, their life can be, even with monumental challenges along the way.
I wish you peace and love within any storm. We are in this storm together. All of us.
I wouldn’t change a thing.