For the past several days, it’s been challenging to show up as an enthusiastic mother of my almost 14 and almost 11 year old daughters. I don’t feel this way very often, but when I do, I feel it and hard. Whenever I get like this, I try to remember them as my beautiful little babies before I became COE. (Chief of Embarrassment.)
Last night, I had the opportunity to go out for dinner with my close ADULT girlfriend and then, after we parted ways, I found myself at Target. I didn’t need anything, I just didn’t want to go home to be a responsible adult.
Stuff I didn’t want to do last night, or tonight for that matter:
- Make lunch for the next day
- Make tonight’s dinner
- Clean up slime supplies or slime itself
- Go back to Target because all laundry detergent in the house had been used to make slime
- Do laundry
- Pick up whatever clothes were left on the floor that didn’t get into the laundry because they were still on the floor
- Check to see if homework was done
- Nag when it wasn’t done
- Empty the dishwasher
- Load the dishwasher
- Hide shoes from a dog who eats my shoes
- Clean the litter box
- Wipe the bathroom counters that are covered in lipstick, slime bits, and tacky press on nails
The toughest part about wanting to avoid all of these things was actually how hard I was on myself about NOT wanting to do all of this crap. I have this unspoken ridiculous standard of needing to show up in my life as the energetic, fun “Supermom” that my kids sort of expect. I was “shoulding” all over myself but really, I needed to cut the “should.”
Tonight, I took it easy, let myself avoid chores and I recouped a bit. I even carved out several hours of adult time this evening and it was absolutely delightful. Not only did my kids survive without me, but I sense that they enjoyed their independent time as well.
So the moral of this story is that I am thrilled to be Juliette and Charlotte’s mother. Even when I don’t feel like doing all of it, the self-induced criticism is really where the rub is.
Now, I’m going to kiss my sleeping children and pray for their safekeeping. I hope I don’t trip and fall on the mounds of fabric and goo”blech” in their room.
One more thing…
Thanks Mom. I love you. Pam