Years ago, I believed I was unintelligent. As a child, I worked very hard to hide my perceived stupidity and the shame that accompanied it. I was convinced that anytime I appeared to be intelligent, it was artificial. Naturally, this internal messaging, along with other self-mutilating messaging, was totally false.
Yep… classic “impostor syndrome.”
As an established adult, I periodically hear that, “I think too much.”
The brain I have is the brain I have. In order to quiet my brain and accept life on life’s terms, I have implemented strict practices of mindfulness, meditation and other self-regulating tools.
So, my brain and I, have boundaries around how much news I take in on a daily basis. While I believe it’s essential to have a gist of what’s going on in the world, I also believe that the noise, fear and other “hoopla” that the media delivers, actually forces people to miss the beauty in our daily lives. I have also adopted a staunch perception that implementing the exercising of healthy boundaries carves out a clear path for mental, emotional and spiritual balance, even within chaos.
Obviously, the #MeToo Campaign and all of the sexual assault/misconduct/harassment/fill-in-the-blank, etc., and the almost orgasmic-style media frenzy, has forced my brain to be extra-super-think-y and for my boundaries to do extra laps in the pool.
For many years, I have felt as if our society is regressing in the name of progress. When I emceed the gigantic MobileBeat conference in 2016, as REAL brilliance was demonstrated in the creation and implementation of the latest in bots, messaging and artificial intelligence, my mind was blown.
I recall thinking that while all of this technology is cool, it can’t be mindful. It doesn’t have a brain or a heart or a spirit. Ultimately, I pondered, ” Are we moving backward and pretending to move forward? Are these REAL geniuses, missing something, as they intelligently create something artificial?”
And, what is real and/or artificial on Matt Lauer, Garrison Keillor, Al Franken, Kevin Spacey, this dude and that other dude, etc?
Power? Kneeling to Power? Fear? Victimization? I mean, what have we all done? As we throw rocks at real heads with real brains, and knock the powerful out, but caress the Head of our own country, what is real for us as a society? Where is our collective conscience?
I have been as sexually assaulted and harassed as anyone I have ever met, and there is NOTHING artificial about any of it, but this doesn’t mean I haven’t said or done things to others that could absolutely be seen as flagrant sexual misconduct. I have never sexually assaulted anyone outside of my own self. This is real truth.
In certain professional situations, we can feel very comfy and celebrate that comfort with our colleagues. For me, and especially when I was performing in theatre, singing and dancing, there were very few clear rules, (if any), ever implemented on what we said and to whom.
I’m NOT NOT NOT victim blaming. I think I’m just seeking clarity of what rules are real and what are artificial. What if people, like me when I was younger, could have a do-over/fresh start? What if they simply didn’t know better and HAD they known, maybe they’d have behaved differently.
In a society where we are supposed to feel honored to have food, “made with natural flavors!”, or cheese that has “real cheese” in it, as we view overly photoshopped advertisements of scantily clad 14 year olds modeling next year’s fashions, how do we know exactly what to do and how to proceed? Maybe it’s too much stimuli for our brains to process.
Messaging is powerful. Do we, as a society have any responsibility for these “perpetrators” of sexual misconduct?
I am a survivor saying this because I believe it’s essential to seek real truth. Surely, we are collectively intelligent enough to question these things, right?
Hate this if you will. This is my brain and my conscience. It’s heavy at times. Even though I have been a victim of unbelievable atrocities, these atrocities did not kill my ability to be authentically intelligent.
At the end of the day, my call isn’t that important to you. I’m smart. I know if you really put me above revenue, you’d know me by now.
With love. Real love, always.