Barf.
Sometimes, (many times), I look at my writing from title to conclusion and just think,
Big, fat, barf.
Still, it’s all true…this is my sort of stream of consciousness way of communicating how I contend with and process catastrophes, victories and everything in between. I also know I can be self-critical and just need to push through, especially while fearful of looking like a complete moron by writing what I think may be complete drivel.
If I help anyone, it’s totally worthwhile.
Lately, there feels like an endless storm of significant challenges and some of the challenges are based on factual information, but I’m not literally in a storm, nor is the figurative storm, endless. Some issues, are short term, and others, are lifelong issues to move through, but I don’t see any of it as terminal.
I am tired for sure. While I have increased my attention on urgent matters, I have simultaneously increased my self-care regimen.
Still, tired is winning.
When I become this depleted, I try to take several important steps to ensure my own oxygen mask is on properly, and that oxygen is flowing:
- Emphasize my trust in facts over feelings
- Lean into feelings and emotions for a bit, walk through and move on
- Incorporate meditation and mindfulness at least four times per day
- Be intentional about incorporating fun even in times that feel dark. If it’s dark, I am empowered to flip a switch or light a candle
- Ask for help. Be honest about what’s happening with people I trust
- Write myself a love letter, including elements of gratitude, even if I feel like poop
- Be of service to others. Find out how someone else is doing
- Practice the hell out of boundaries. NOT sacrifice myself when I have so little to give. Give of myself with boundaries
- Forgive myself for lost sleep and funky eating. There will be another night and meal to try again
- Create joy and victory wherever possible. Bring loved ones and strangers along
Everything always improves and calms down, even if I am frightened, and out in the fray, looking around as if I’m not almost 51 years old, but as if I’m a young child. Once I get to know the fray and lean into it, it becomes a familiar setting, and maybe even, my new home.
And the truth is, where love exists, is pretty much home to me. In fact, I think everything is temporary, with one exception and that exception is love.
So, right now, this place is unknown to me, but I will get to know it. In the meantime, and all of the time, I will just keep walking.
You are welcome to join me.
Pamela Klier-Weidner (PKW) 
This a great mesaage to which I relate so much.
I’m so happy we are reminded that we’re not alone. Thank you for your kind message!