Also, it’s a stupid award that should be banished forever.
Other awards off of the top of my head that must also be destroyed:
- Ugliest Woman on Earth Award
- Human with the Most Hideous Moles Award
- Best Self-Deprecatory Human on Earth Award
- Most Unlovable Living Being in Universe Award
- Best Aspic and Other Gelatinous Creations Chef Award
Wait. #5 is kind of cool. That one can stay.
I am not really the “worst” or “best” anything, although, for a brief time last night, I thought I was absolutely the worst mother ever. I said something to one of my daughters that is extremely atypical. (Like cursing. I don’t curse very much in front of my kids.)
The details aren’t important as to why I reacted to my daughter the way I did. What’s important, is that as I reflected on what fueled my reaction, I was left with an admission that perfectionism was rearing its perfectly ugly head.
In my last post, I’d mentioned that, “tired is winning.” So, I am exhausted. Several really valuable things I try to remember is that when I am this depleted, are:
- Do not make any big decisions
- Do not spend time thinking anything through
- Do not eat those donuts and muffins are not healthy
- Do not try and fulfill important work deliverables
- Get your ass and the rest of you to bed, and stat!
So, sometimes, I think with the way life has moved for me in these 50 years, I have somehow benefited from working hard on so many estimable practices – mindfulness, meditation, devotion to service to other people and humankind, etc.
The truths about last night, and feeling like “Mommie Dearest”, are as follows:
- What I said wasn’t really as bad in real life as it was in my head
- I apologized after several minutes and she apologized too
- Just because I don’t love being a mom 24/7 doesn’t mean I am a bad mother
- I have to be more mindful of perfectionism disguised as other things
- I need rest
In thinking about awards, if I had to choose the most appropriate award this morning for myself, I’d choose, “The Great Seeker of Embracing and Elevating Positive Aspects of Humans, Even Those Humans Who Seem Icky and Practicer of Locating Love Wherever Possible Award.”
In an effort to fit it on a plaque, we’ll just call the award, “Dedicated Practitioner of Practice and Love Seeking Award.”
I’m good with that. Not the best. Not the worst, but good.