I originally wrote this blog post a few years ago about my ex-husband and daughters celebrating our wedding anniversary together. Some people found this pretty weird, and others celebrated our vastly improved relationship since we chose to exit our marriage.
Either way, this is our life and how we choose to live it.
For anyone who believes they despise their ex, or spend a lot of mind and heart space on reliving the bad, I hope this article includes benefits for you.
Being divorced and co-parenting isn’t always easy. In my own experience, walking through a divorce and then making an intentional choice to stay kind and loving as co-parents, takes work and infallible commitment. (And then, more work and re-commitment.) The truth is, I’ve been far more committed to, (and successful at,) being a good ex-wife, than I ever was, at being a good wife the entire time I was married.
The commitment to working on a healthy relationship with my ex has been one of the most poignant and growthful experiences of my life.
I wish you peace, joy and harmony for all parties, even where dissonance exists.
Originally Published on June 16th, 2016
Yesterday was my 14th wedding anniversary. My ex-husband and I honored each other and our children, with an evening of celebrating together. We’ve been divorced for five years, and separated for a few years before that.
I don’t regret marrying. I learned a great deal about my own insecurities, my willingness to forgive, my desire to take risks, and my openness to learn and grow from my mistakes. Our marriage also resulted in two beautiful daughters who bring us daily joy and an abundance of gray hairs.
Last evening, as I enjoyed my nontraditional family, I marveled at our kind and empathetic friendship, one that we committed to work on when we first split. When we initially made this commitment, it was for the kids. We both realized how much it nourishes our own health and well being. The kids benefit from our example of care and respect for each other and for our own selves.
My ex-husband and I are good people. We both fully agree that we didn’t like ourselves when we were together. We were incapable of lifting each other up to our best selves in our marriage.
My divorce, while painful for obvious reasons, has been a very positive experience in my life. We have both become far better at elevating and supporting each other as friends.
Now, I mostly embrace my life as a single, working mom. My mind, heart and spirit are open to possibilities of love and partnership, but that same mind, heart and spirit are extremely discerning. If it’s not right, I’m not investing in it.
In all ways, I am interested in matches where I am encouraged (and challenged) to be my best self and that has to be a two way street. Anything less than this is harmful to me, my children and Mr. Wrong.
Leaving my marriage was one of the hardest and saddest things I have ever done. It’s also one of the best lessons I’ve ever known. I’ve learned the invaluable truth that I am never, ever actually trapped by anything other than my own thoughts,
and that I am enough, just as I am, right now. My ex-husband is too.
And, so are you.