How are you?

So… How am I?

“How are you?”

Most of the time, I have no idea how to answer that question. Do you?

In some respects, this collective trauma has left me feeling less alone than any other time I can recall. I’ve also found myself growing quieter and maybe a little more peaceful. I can’t really explain why but I’m not too into exploring or even asking, “why?”

Some key things I have noted in the past several months:

  • A lot of things are less funny, including me. I’m okay with that.
  • I notice little wonderful things in my daily life and I’m on the lookout for them.
  • I do a gratitude list every single day, even (especially) when I feel crappy.
  • I have become much smaller and I don’t mean in the physical sense, but my emotional investment in things that once appeared to matter, really don’t. I’m grateful for this too.
  • I forgive my sloppy eating but not in a way where I’m giving myself permission to eat five dinners. I’m just kinder to myself and I think, others.
  • I pay far more attention to how I use my own physical, mental, emotional and financial resources – I’m more discerning.
  • I don’t think I’m ugly even though I am physically not even close to my best.
  • I am sometimes incredibly sad, but rarely depressed.
  • I am shocked by other people’s behavior and especially meanness. I have learned in the past several months that I’m actually more naive than I ever thought possible.
  • I’m not becoming cynical.
  • I have a new appreciation for my previous trauma. The silver lining is that this is just another trauma and this time, I’m not alone in it.
  • I miss human touch.
  • Some of my favorite family moments have happened during this time period.
  • I generally think more in “we” and not “me.”
  • I’ve grown less judgmental.
  • I have fallen more deeply in love with fundraising and nonprofit management since the pandemic began.
  • I am very impressed by my (and other people’s) children and their ability to cope, hope, adapt and act for positive change.
  • I’m inspired to and must help the arts community.
  • I’m devoted to learning how to be an antiracist and I have a lot to learn and do.
  • I am sure I’m not destined for greatness but am good enough. What a relief.

So…

How am I?

I am okay with not knowing what’s coming down the pike and when I’m uncomfortable, I just sort of sit in my uncomfortableness. It always passes, comes back, passes again and so on…

How are you?

Author: PKW

Writer, Speaker, Facilitator, Trainer, Fundraiser, Strategist, Listener, and Lover of Humans. My love for humans and relationship building are a part of every single thing I do, except for maybe using the bathroom.

2 thoughts on “How are you?”

  1. As always, so we’ll stated. I love how real you are and have always been! Can relate to much of what you said. Sending love to you and your beautiful girls.♥️

  2. Thank you for asking AND thank you for sharing your insights. I will add that while my focus seemed to be a bit diffused at the beginning, I was able to finish reading my first novel during “pandemic times” around a week or so ago. I agree that it is important to find the silver linings, as you say, and sit as still as possible with the uncertainty. I am coping with my anxieties. Admittedly, some days are simply better than others. I, too, miss human touch–connection from afar is difficult for me. I will re-challenge myself to make better eye contact (off of Zoom) and continue to be there for those who need me. I notice necessarily being more creative in the kitchen and am appreciative of Jazzercise (4x weekly–finding myself feeling a bit more fit, not thin nor much lighter), on-line mahjongg and scrapbooking. I have never watched so much television and enjoy being entertained, getting sucked into dramas and laughing out loud whenever possible. I remain grateful for the constant love of family and friends. Noticing small and mighty acts are imperative. Stay well and safe Pam. Again, thank you for sharing you, you are truly inspiring.

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