After a lengthy stretch of gross indulgence in all things starchy and sugary, just for today, in this moment, I am disinterested in consuming anything that leaves this insatiable human being (me), totally undernourished.
I’ve been undernourished for some time – stretched beyond limits, stressed beyond that. Somewhere, beyond my Candy Land-ish, goo-filled arteries, resides the angst and leftover fury of scars that keep opening up no matter their age. While I know I cannot change other people, places and things, I also realize that while I practice mindfulness and other cathartic, self-affirming rituals, some things never leave.
I accept this and move on with my life as I practice hard at being gentle.
So, here I sit on 1 Tishrei 5779 in my “YOU ARE GORGEOUS” stretch pants I have written about before. These are the pants I wear when I’m feeling sort of blechy. I don’t really feel blechy today, but these pants feel okay on me, plus, every time I pull my pants down, I am greeted with a barely visible, “YOU ARE GORGEOUS.” (It is actually embossed in my pants and yes, I bought them that way.)
While I observe and celebrate this important high holy day with family and friends, I may not dip my apple in honey, because I run the risk of permitting my pawn to head right to Gumdrop Mountains, through the Gingerbread Plum Trees and every sugary, starchy morsel all the way to the Candy Castle. This is not my goal or my destination, ever.
So, no matter what we struggle with on this first day of 5779 or on September 10, 2018, or any other day, there is someone else (and likely MANY people) who share the same struggles.
You are not alone.
I hope my struggle with all things starchy and sweet (which is not a struggle in this very moment), bring you sweet solace even if you choose to skip the honey.
l’shanah tovah tikatev v’taihatem to you, your loved ones and to all of humankind.
Much love, empathy and optimism,