“How are you?”

Most of the time, I have no idea how to answer that question. Do you?

In some respects, this collective trauma has left me feeling less alone than any other time I can recall. I’ve also found myself growing quieter and maybe a little more peaceful. I can’t really explain why but I’m not too into exploring or even asking, “why?”

Some key things I have noted in the past several months:

• A lot of things are less funny, including me. I’m okay with that.
• I notice little wonderful things in my daily life and I’m on the lookout for them.
• I do a gratitude list every single day, even (especially) when I feel crappy.
• I have become much smaller and I don’t mean in the physical sense, but my emotional investment in things that once appeared to matter, really don’t. I’m grateful for this too.
• I forgive my sloppy eating but not in a way where I’m giving myself permission to eat five dinners. I’m just kinder to myself and I think, others.
• I pay far more attention to how I use my own physical, mental, emotional and financial resources – I’m more discerning.
• I don’t think I’m ugly even though I am physically not even close to my best.
• I am sometimes incredibly sad, but rarely depressed.
• I am shocked by other people’s behavior and especially meanness. I have learned in the past several months that I’m actually more naive than I ever thought possible.
• I’m not becoming cynical.
• I have a new appreciation for my previous trauma. The silver lining is that this is just another trauma and this time, I’m not alone in it.
• I miss human touch.
• Some of my favorite family moments have happened during this time period.
• I generally think more in “we” and not “me.”
• I’ve grown less judgmental.
• I have fallen more deeply in love with fundraising and nonprofit management since the pandemic began.
• I am very impressed by my (and other people’s) children and their ability to cope, hope, adapt and act for positive change.
• I’m inspired to and must help the arts community.
• I’m devoted to learning how to be an antiracist and I have a lot to learn and do.
• I am sure I’m not destined for greatness but am good enough. What a relief.

So…

How am I?

I am okay with not knowing what’s coming down the pike and when I’m uncomfortable, I just sort of sit in my uncomfortableness. It always passes, comes back, passes again and so on…

How are you?