This morning, I devoted a brief amount of time to catch up on “the news.” I put “the news” in quotes, because while natural disasters and locating avenues to help human beings recover and thrive, are newsworthy, much of “the news” I skimmed through, left me disgusted and incredibly sad.
For as long as I can remember, I worried about my family, my community and pretty much any injustice and atrocity I perceived in the world. As an adult, I learned that my worrying had to be transposed into action. Naturally, I still worry, but have implemented a rule that I’m not permitted to worry for very long, unless I am actively working on helping to repair or heal whatever it is that keeps me awake at night.
When I entered the world of philanthropy, I quickly learned that this was where I had already resided, I think from birth, but didn’t know it. Where I have periodically struggled, is that while I am resolute in my dedication to Tikkun Olam, a healing of/repairing the world, I have not always paid enough attention to the disrepair of my own house.
If you know me at all, you are well aware that I’m a devoted, hands on parent, as well as a caring and collaborative co-worker. Still, I have become keenly aware that my personal life needs some “Tikkun Olam-ish” attention and that means reflection, assessment, and then, action.
This morning, my youngest daughter (who is swiftly becoming obsessed with fashion), was beside herself because she didn’t like any of the clean clothes she had available to her to wear to school. Had I been more on top of things at home, I would have had the sense to do laundry last night.
A few days ago, I realized I had recently made too many unplanned and spontaneous philanthropic gifts. Due to my contributions, I had to edit and shave my grocery list. My kids didn’t have as many snacking choices. Mind you, I am thoughtful about these particular choices, and see the benefit of NOT buying Doritos.
I had meningitis last month, and to be honest, I still get exhausted more easily than is normal. I push myself into adopting the belief that I’m performing at 100%. It’s bullshit. I’m at around 90%. I need to take care of that 10%.
So, at the beginning of 5778, I need to atone for what is now known.
I often joke with people that I atone daily. This is actually true due to my commitment to my recovery program and how beautifully it’s structured. Still, this year, as I reflect, I must atone and make reparations for my own imbalance. Once a concise list is created of all that has moved from center, it’s time for me to locate my oxygen mask, find and put my children’s’ oxygen masks on, do laundry, hire someone to clean my house, pay attention to my own heart that lives within my own body, and move forward.
I love the idea and implementation of “praying with my feet,” prayer through action. This is what inspires me on a philanthropic level and now, it’s time for further action.
My endless love for humans and humankind, has to include me.
Sometimes, I end my blog posts with, “I love you, ” but often forget that I am a part of the “you.”
Shana Tova. Peace, love and clean, fashionable laundry to you and yours, if that is what is required to achieve some semblance of Tikkun Olam.