As I was flat ironing my teenage daughter’s hair before school this morning, she acknowledged the “HUGE” growth on my right cheek. I think her words were, “You’re right, Mom. That zit IS HUGE!” She said it as if surprised that my description (for once), was totally accurate and perhaps, even understated. I have
lovingly named my blemish, “Mt. Hellonacheek.”
Lately, I have felt ugly — just the opposite of Maria in West Side Story, when she sings, “I Feel Pretty!”
While we all have our “ugly” moments, and I have PUH-LENTY of them, this moment is just SOOOO DIFFERENT from any other I have ever had.
(awkward pause & wince, with honest admission…)
I say that during every “ugly” moment I have. Yeah, it’s totally like all of my other “ugly” moments. It will pass and return and pass and return. (rinse and repeat)
So, in this “ugly” time period, I took a few days away from the office to attempt relaxation. I decided to chill out with a mani/pedi.
Before I head into my story about yesterday’s visit to the nail salon, please note that in actuality, all time I spend at any salon, feels wasteful to me. It’s not the money as much as it is the time. Still, I moved ahead with ants in my pants and picked some nail colors.
Aren’t I terrific at taking time off? Look! I am relaxing! (applause)
My nail technician had her four year old daughter with her (and me). Her name was Emma and she helped me to relax. She offered me Goldfish crackers and asked me when I was going to have a baby as she pointed to my tummy.
I had a blast with her, as she really got my mind off of wasting time at a salon, but my poor nail technician was mortified by Emma’s behavior.
I told Emma that I wasn’t going to have a baby again in this life, but that I already have two babies. She didn’t like my answer one bit and demanded that I have at least one or two more babies and if I didn’t, I could forget about her sharing her Goldfish with me. I laughed heartily as her mom worked on my cuticles and exclaimed, “Emma says that to all women no matter how their bodies look.” THAT sent me into uncontrollable, hysterical laughter. Emma’s mom could hardly trim my cuticles without clipping a finger off.
Of course, periodically, I was thinking and singing in my head, I do not feel pretty, I do not feel pretty and the city shouldn’t give me it’s key… a committee should be organized to punish me…. (background vocals) la la la la la la la la la!
Emma finally forgave me for not agreeing to her demand that I have more babies. She finally realized that I am “veeeery old.”
I took one Goldfish for the road and moved through my day, complete with the good, the bad, and the ever present, “ugly.”
Today, I am still feeling “ugly.” It really has little, to do with a gigantic pimple or anything about how my body looks. Recently enhanced stress has gotten deep into my gooey insides.
It will pass.
Until it does, I choose to look up at the clouds I am so enamored with. I choose to make art and embrace my creative core. For some time now, I haven’t given time to the safe, artistic space where I found my voice.
So, I choose to see and feel the beauty around me through art and the clouds I love so very much.
I betcha Mt. Hellonacheek will magically shrink. I won’t feel ugly forever.
And if that doesn’t work, my cuticles don’t look half bad now that the bleeding stopped.